Broken
by brii-henderswag
Summary: Logan and Carlos just wanted to be closer friends. They never expected a stupid argument to tear the two apart, much less destroy the whole band.
1. Intro

**Realisation**

Logan, Kendall, James, and Carlos; four best friends. They all loved each other like brothers. Of course, that is a general statement.

Carlos and Logan loved all the others like they were siblings. But Carlos and Logan were more like brothers who's rooms were across the hall and didn't really communicate much.

Kendall and James had a way stronger brotherly bond than them; and they were determined to change that.

Who knew that could go so terribly wrong?

"Hey, Logan!" Carlos said excitedly, jumping into the couch beside him.

He grimaced as his bowl of grapes went flying. "What, Carlos?"

Carlos grinned, lifting up the month's issue of _PopTiger._ "I know how me and you can get closer, like James and Kendall!"

"First of all, it's '_you and I,' _and second, how is a magazine meant for teenage girls gonna help us?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

Carlos quickly opened up the magazine, and pointed to the headline on one of the pages.

"_'How well do you know your BFF?'_" Logan read out loud. "Carlos, you're stupid."

"I am not! If we take this quiz, we'll know what we _don't _know about each other," Carlos started, raising his eyebrows, "and we can be close like Kendall and James!"

Logan raised his eyebrows. "Wow. For once, you _actually_ said something that makes sense. But still! James and Kendall aren't even that close!"

"Dude, they finish each other's sentences and dress the same every other day," Carlos said plainly. His face quickly changed to a look of hurt. "You really don't wanna be closer friends with me?"

Logan's eyes widened. "No, no, that's not it at all! I-uh... Come on, let's take the stupid quiz," he said, sighing.

Carlos grinned. "Yay!" He scooted away from Logan and pulled out a pen.

"Ok, what's my birthday?" he asked, smiling.

"Uh..."

Carlos laughed nervously. "Let's just skip that one..."

"_Seriously? _You don't even know my favourite _food?!_" Carlos yelled. "_'Steak fries?' Seriously?_"

"I-I-I panicked, ok?! You know I'm not good at oral exams!" Logan yelled back.

"I'm going to laugh at that _later,_ because right now I am _so mad!_" Carlos yelled, his face red with anger.

They both pouted, turning away from each other.

At the moment, both were sure they'd either make up or just forget about the whole arguement, and just stormed off angrily.

They never expected their friendship to be over.


	2. Realisation

**Hurt**

"Dude, are you _still _mad at Logan?" James asked, noticing Carlos glaring at Logan, who was trying to ignore him.

"Oh, I'm not _mad _at him," Carlos replied coldly. "_I hate him!"_

James scoffed. "You don't hate him! We've _all_ been friends with him for, like, 14 years."

"Plus," Kendall added, "you _can't _hate him. You don't hate anyone! You're _Carlos._"

"Well, I'm also _mad!"_ Carlos said angrily, crossing his arms. "_Hmph!_"

"Just forget about it, Kendall," James said, sighing. "I'm sure they'll work this out on their own by tomorrow."

He was beyond wrong.

As the days went by, Carlos and Logan started to completely ignore each other. No more glares, rude comments, or even "_I'm ignoring you!"_'s. They just acted like they didn't know each other.

While Carlos seemed to be barely bothered by it, Logan was extremely hurt.

"Guys!" Carlos yelled as he burst into the apartment. "Guess who just won _four tickets _to Coachella!"

James and Kendall jumped up excitedly. "No way!" Kendall said excitedly.

"Yep! And _you're _gonna come with me!" he said, pointing to the two.

"Wait, what about Logan?" James said. "Are you taking him?"

Carlos' face fell. "You know I'm not talking to him," he said lowly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," James said, putting his hands up. "But you two _really _need to just be friends again."

"Why should we? He doesn't know anything about me, I don't know anything about him," Carlos said angrily. "We're just not compa... Compar... Com... Damn it, what's that word!"

"See, this is why you _need to be friends with Logan!"_ James said loudly.

Kendall sighed angrily. "Whatever, let's just go to the pool. We _all _need to calm down."

James and Carlos mumbled their agreement.

From his bedroom, Logan heard everything. _This is only gonna get worse,_ he thought. _There's nothing I can do now._

He stood up from his bed slowly. He dug into one of his drawers for a pencil sharpener. He snuck into the kitchen drawers for a screwdriver, and quickly removed the blade.

He slowly walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. He held up the tiny blade that could change him forever.

_There's nothing I can do._

He raised his wrist.

_Carlos hates me, Kendall and James are ignoring me._

He lowered the blade.

_I hear this helps make the pain go away._

He pressed it against his skin.

_Let's try it out._

And he screamed.

When the guys came back from the pool, James immediately called out to Logan.

"Logan? Dude, where are you?" he called.

He checked the room Kendall and Logan shared, and sure enough, Logan was passed out on his bed. He smiled briefly, before Kendall's voice made him jump.

"What the hell happened in here?" he yelled. James immediately ran to where his screaming was coming from, and found him in the bathroom.

The mirror was shattered. The cabinet was hanging loosely. The shower curtain was tore down, and there were some traces of blood left on the floor and sink.

Kendall ran over to the bedroom and slammed the door open.  
"What the hell did you do to the bathroom, Logan?" Kendall asked. "And why was there _blood_ everywhere!"

Logan slowly awoke while he yelled.

_Crap, he saw the blood! I thought I wiped it all..._

"I'll fix the bathroom," he mumbled. "And for the blood..." He lifted his hand, which he had cleverly placed a bandage on. "I, uh... cut my finger when I was trying to cut food."

Kendall calmed down. "Is this about Carlos?" he said quietly.

_Yes, you freaking idiot._

Logan rolled onto his back. "What? No, no... I was just... blowing some steam. You know, with our tour, and rehearsals and stuff... It's pretty fustrating."

Kendall sighed. "Ok... Well, we're gonna order pizza, you want?"

He shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Ok, buddy. You can go back to sleep now," he said, standing up. "I'm... I'm sorry I got mad."

Logan managed a small, "mmhmm," before closing his eyes and slowly falling asleep again.

Surprisingly, Logan never woke up later that night. He slept from 6pm to 8am. Not counting the hours before Kendall arrived, of course.

And yet, when Jennifer woke him up, he was still exhausted. Even on a normal day of only 8 hours of sleep he would be sharp and ready for work.

He dragged hisself out of bed, rubbing his face with his hands. Quickly noticing his arm was out in the open, he gasped, and went to grab a cardigan.

_Maybe if I shower first, I can get dressed before breakfast, put on a sweater, and it'll all be OK!_

He almost smiled at his clever plan.

He raced out to the bathroom, his towel covering his arm.

"Why so desperate for the bathroom, Logan?" Jennifer asked as he raced past her.

"I, uh, sweated a lot last night," he quickly lied. "You know how I am, gotta be clean! And... stuff."

He speed-walked into the bathroom, jumping back when he looked in the mirror.

_I forgot I smashed it..._

He turned the shower on, and walked back to the mirror.

_This thing's really broken...,_ he thought.

He looked down at his wrist, the long, open gash that decorated it, and back up at his shattered reflection.

_Just like me._

"Logan, Gustavo wants us at the studio _now,_" Kendall said. "Get some breakfast and let's go."

Panicking, Logan simply took a banana from the counter.

"That's _all _you're eating?" James asked, raising his (right) eyebrow.

_Shit._

Logan laughed nervously. "I'm not really hungry. My stomach feels a little weird, don't wanna get sick."

James gave a slow nod, still eying him cautiously.

"Well, eat on the way to the car," Kendall said. "We gotta hurry."

_If I walk behind them, I can ditch the stupid banana and they'll think I ate it. Perfect._

_Wait, why am I not hungry? I haven't eaten in 20 hours..._

Logan followed slowly behind, and when they were just far away enough, he threw the banana into a plant pot in the hallway.

"_Logan!_" Gustavo yelled as he tried to walk out after tour rehearsal.

"What?" he snapped.

_Where the hell did that come from?_

"You know _what!_ Your dancing was even worse than usual, you kept missing your cues, and you _look like the walking dead!_" Gustavo screamed.

_Quick, think... Think, think..._

"I think I'm coming down with a fever or something," Logan said, faking a cough. "But don't worry, I'll be over it in a couple days."

"Well you better be _over _your stupid _fever_ before the _TOUR STARTS!_" Gustavo yelled. "_NOW GET OUT OF MY STUDIO!"_

_Suck my dick!_ he thought. He walked out slowly and met up with the guys outside.

"What'd he keep you in for?" Kendall asked, squinting as the sun hit his face.

_Damn idiot. Can't you already tell?_

"I was, uh, a little off today," he replied, shrugging. _That's not really a lie. _ "You know, missing my cues and stuff. I think I have a fever or something." He faked another cough to convince him.

_But it wasn't exactly true either._

They walked all the way back to the Palm Woods, Logan trailing behind silently while the others conversed.

"Let's go to the pool!" Carlos said excitedly to James.

"Alright, let's go get our trunks!" James replied, and the two dashed over to the elevator.

"Logan," Kendall said.

_Shit, was I just standing there? I'm so fucked up._

"Yeah?" he replied quietly. _Why do I sound like a ghost walrus?_

"Are you ok, man? You look pretty tired, you keep spacing out...," Kendall listed. He pointed to his sweater. "And you're wearing a _sweater _in 96 degree heat!"

Logan's eyes darted around as he tried to make up another excuse. _Excuses, excuses... _"Uh... um... I-I think I'm gonna be si..."

He gagged, and ran to the bathroom, pushing past Kendall and other residents.

At first he was lying, but when he ran into a stall he found his self wretching painfully, whatever was left in his stomache after not eating for so long.

After a few minutes of continuous spewing, he leaned on the wall of the bathroom, tears flowing down his face.

_So this is all I am now. This is going way to far._

He let his choked sobs turn into loud, pained wails as he dug his nails into the sides of his head.

He stayed curled up on the floor sobbing until he found the strength to drag his drained body back to 2J.


	3. Diagnosis

**Diagnosis**

"_Logan, wake up..."_

_"Wake up, man."_

_"Get up, stupid!"_

His eyes slowly fluttered open. He squinted as the lights from the Palm Woods hallway stung his eyes. Looking around, Kendall, James, Katie and Jennifer were crowded around him.

"Wha... Where'm I...?" he mumbled.

"The hallway," Jennifer said. "You passed out when you came upstairs. Katie heard you fall and came to see, and..."

Of course her maternal instincts made her choke up and start crying.

_Crap, I passed out._

He tried to lean up on his elbow but found his body completely numb and exhausted.

"H...help," he squeaked pathetically.

Kendall and James pulled him up and lead him into the apartment.

"You must be really sick, man," James said. "Guitar Dude said he heard you puking in the bathroom and crying. Are you alright?"

_Fucking peachy, bud!_

"I guess," he mumbled. "It's probably just a... flu, or somethin'. I'll be fine."

"Cool! We're going back to the pool now!" James announced, dashing out of the room with Katie.

Kendall glanced at Logan. "I'm not goin' anywhere."

Logan sighed. He reached up to wipe sweat from his forehead, and jumped when he realised his sweater was gone.

He immediately tried to cover it. _I wonder if he saw?_

"H-hey, Ken... where's my-"

"Save it," Kendall said. "We took it off to use it as a pillow when you collapsed. I... saw your arm."

Logan gulped. _Crap, crap, crap, crap, __**crap.**_

**"**I just... it... it's not... I don't usually do that," Logan mumbled pathetically.

Kendall sighed. "I'm not mad at you for doing it. I just don't want it to get out of hand. Have you had any urges to do it since... Wait, you never really cut your finger, did you!?"

Logan groaned. "I'm sorry, Kendall. I'm really sorry. It's just... this is becoming too much for me to handle."

Kendall silently stared at the floor, and looked back at him. "You mean the whole Carlos situation."

He nodded slowly.

"So have you felt like doing it after last night?" he asked calmly.

Logan shook his head slowly. _I'm such a dirty liar._

"Good," Kendall said, relieved. "Please, don't hurt yourself anymore."

Logan yawned. "I promise, I won't."

He smiled at him. "Good. Now go to sleep, we're taking you to the hospital tomorrow."

Logan slowly started to fall asleep, responding simply with a lazy, "mmhmm," and Kendall left him in the bedroom.

_Wait. Hospital? __**SHIT!**_

"Logan," Kendall said, poking his arm. "_Logan.._."

Logan smacked his hand away, mumbling something that either sounded like, "don't wet my sheep," or "just let me sleep."

"Logan, it's, like, 10. You're usually up at 8. We need to go to the hospital. _Now._"

Logan let out a tired sigh. "Fine, fine, I'm awake." He rubbed his eyes sleepily.

_I reeeeally don't wanna go._

Kendall patted his shoulder, and left the room to let him dress.

"Remember, guys, do not say _anything _that will make Logan scared, uncomfortable, sad, nauseas, grumpy, crusty, or just angry," Kendall reminded everyone.

They all mumbled their agreement, except Carlos who just ignored him.

Minutes later, when Logan dragged himself out of bed, showered and dressed, Kendall placed a plate of food in front of him.  
"You need to eat," he stated before he could protest.

Logan sighed as his stomach did flips and he felt a wave of nausea building up. "I c-can't."

"Dude, you _love _toast!" James said, his mouth full of eggs, pancakes,and some other odd brown substance.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" Jennifer scolded.

Suddenly Logan gagged and his stomach lurched. He tried to scramble out of the seat but found his sweater stuck to the chair, and had to settle for barfing all over the floor behind James.

"_Eeeew!"_ James shrieked, jumping out of his seat. Katie stifled a laugh.

Logan uncaught his sweater and made a beeline for the bathroom. They all immediately pushed their plates away upon smelling and hearing Logan's little... activity.

"Boys, get me a mop, two buckets, and my car keys," Jennifer said, sighing. She sniffed. "Ugh, and some Febreze."

Logan had a look of pain on his face the whole way to the hospital. He didn't throw up anymore, (rather, he _couldn't_) and instead sat in the car clutching the bucket while his empty stomach did the macarena.

"We're here," Jennifer announced. Kendall stepped out of the car first to help Logan out.

He lead him inside to the desk. "Uh, I think my friend has a really bad flu or something."

She sighed. "Name."

"Hortense Mitchell," he said, almost smirking as Logan winced at the hideous name.

"Fill out these forms," she said, handing him a clipboard.

Kendall took the clipboard, and helped Logan fill it out while Jennifer and Katie tried to find a decent parking space.

Half an hour later, the forms were filled and Jennifer and Katie were in the waiting area with the boys.

"Hortense," the nurse called. Katie giggled. "Doctor Hollywood is ready to see you."

Kendall helped Logan out of his seat and into the room.

He sat on the examination table, his eyes half closed and his body almost completely limp.

Doc Hollywood glanced at him. He checked his eyes, his tongue, and his nose.  
"It's a flu. It'll pass. Next!"

"What?" Kendall all but yelled. "This isn't what we came here for! What do we do, how long will this last?"

"Look, why don't you ask a doctor, kid?"

"_You are the doctor!_" he shrieked. "Forget this, mom, we have to take him somewhere else."

As he rushed to carry Logan out, Jennifer tried to apologise. "I'm sorry, he has a bit of a temper," she said, laughing nervously.

They hurriedly got back into the car and drove to the next nearest hospital.

"Mom, Logan passed out!" Kendall said worriedly. "He's not moving!"

She started to panic. "Ok, ok, uh... Check if he's warm or if he's cold. Cover him up and open the window. Make sure his seatbelt is on!"

"Got it," Kendall said, hurriedly clicking his seatbelt shut and rolling down the window.

When they got to the hospital, Logan woke up from the strong smell of alcohol and the bright lights.

"Wha... This isn't the right doctor...," he mumbled, squinting.

"We know, Doc Hollywood is a total idiot, though," Kendall said, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, we'll find out what's wrong with you."

"Looks like this is no _flu__, _Ms. Knight," their doctor, Doctor Micheals said. "I believe Logan's suffering from chronic depression. Has anything happened lately that may have caused this?"

Kendall gulped. "Well, he's kind of not talking to one of our friends. He's kind of been ignoring him. Actually, we _all _have been ignoring him..."

"I see...," he said, jotting it down. "I may need to prescribe him amitriptyline or desipramine. These are two commonly used antidepressants, and they're both pretty small so they should be easy to swallow on a daily basis."

Kendall and Jennifer both had tears stinging in their eyes. Logan was out cold again on the hospital bed.

"If it worsens, he may need a stronger medication like imipramine," he added. "I also strongly recommend therapy. Speaking with a therapist and taking the medication should either completely get rid of the depression or at least make it less severe."

Kendall couldn't stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes. "Oh my god..."

"I'm very sorry," the doctor said. "He might also need to stay out of work for awhile, to reduce stress."

Kendall nodded numbly.

"Take his to a pharmacy," he said, handing Kendall the prescription for Logan's medicine. "Pick him up 1 month worth of pills."

He took the sheet and a nurse helped get Logan in a wheelchair and out to the car while Jennifer handled the payment.

Katie got in the car while Kendall helped Logan in.

"Is Logan gonna be ok, big brother?" she asked, fear and sadness in her eyes.

Kendall smiled at his sister. "As long as we all work together to help him get better, yes, he'll be ok."

She smiled back and they waited for Jennifer to come back.

Kendall came in to the apartment sadly, carrying Logan.

"So what's wrong with him?" James asked, stuffing a handfull of crisps in his mouth.

"He has _chronic depression,_" Kendall replied, kicking open the door to their shared room.

James' jaw dropped, and his crisps fell out of his mouth. "_What!_"

He jumped off the couch, and into the bedroom. "What do you mean-"

"_Shhh!_" Kendall hissed. "The doctor says he needs to sleep."

James dragged him into the living room. "What do you mean _chronic depression!_" he shrieked.

"This whole problem with _Carlos_ is ruining his life!" Kendall replied loudly. He faced Carlos. "_You _need to _fix this!_"

"Why should I? I'm not his frie-"

"No, don't pull that _I'm not his friend_ crap anymore!" Kendall yelled. "You being immature and _stupid _is ruining poor Logan's life! He has a _serious illness _and you still can't look past that... _stupid quiz! _You've been friends since you were _eight. Get over it! _I can't believe you could be so stubborn when your _best friend _needs you!"

"Who said he was my _friend?" _Carlos yelled, making Kendall jump. "He's smart, I'm dumb. He's boring, I'm _normal!_ We have nothing in common." He started leaning his face closer to Kendall's. "I don't give a damn if he's gone all emo because of it. He doesn't care about me, why the _fuck _should I care about _him!"_ When he finally backed away from Kendall's face, he jumped. There, standing in the back hallway entrance, was Logan.

He was trembling, tears staining his cheeks. His face was red.

"Nice, guys," James said angrily. "You upset Logan."

"Logan, I'm sorry, I-" Kendall started.

"_Fuck you, Carlos!"_ he screamed. "At first I couldn't let myself hate you, but now _I just wish you would drop dead!"_

He stormed back into his room, slamming the door shut.

"Now what the hell do we do?" Kendall mumbled. "This is only getting worse. _Why did you have to say that!?"_

"Don't blame it on Carlos!" James defended. "You were being nastier than _him!_"

"Oh, so now we're taking sides," Kendall said, nodding. "Fine. I don't need you _idiots. _I'll make sure Logan gets better and I'll make sure _you _don't get anywhere near him!"

He started angrily walking to his room to comfort Logan.

"_We don't need you either!"_ Carlos spat.

Kendall simply flipped him off and opened the door to his room.

Logan sobbed as Kendall rubbed his back. "It's ok. We'll work this out. You can go for therapy, we'll all start talking again, it'll be just like it was _before _all this stuff started happening."

"I can't believe I'm seriously _depressed _though," he choked out, wiping his eyes with his hands.

"It's fine, the doctor already prescribed a medicine for you to take," Kendall pointed out. "You'll be better soon."

Logan let out a shaky breath. "I hope so. The tour starts in a couple weeks. How am I supposed to perform when I can't stand Carlos?"

Kendall sighed. "I don't know, buddy. I really don't know."

The next day, Logan woke up feeling determined and happy.

"Morning _Kindle,_" he said, stretching.

"Wow, you're up early," Kendall said, smiling.

"I guess sleepin' does help," Logan said, grinning. "So... Do I eat before I take the pill, or...?"

After Logan managed to finally eat an entire plate of food and took his pill, the others started to leave for tour rehearsal.

"Wait, I wanna go!" Logan said, jumping out of his seat.

"But Doctor M said not to," Kendall pointed out.

"I _want to! _If I don't I'll never get that pelvic thrust in Song For You right," Logan complained.

Kendall smiled at him. "Fine, let's go. But if you feel_ anything, _we-"

"Yeah, yeah," Logan said, playfully rolling his eyes.

While Kendall and Katie were a bit creeped out by his suddenly happy demeanor, they were both happy he was finally energetic.

Tour rehearsal went by great, and afterwards Kendall and Logan played video games in the apartment.

James walked in with Carlos after hanging out at the pool and at Lucy's place until 7.

They both glared at Kendall and Logan. Kendall just rolled his eyes, but Logan froze up.

"Logan, you alright?" he asked, noticing his skin getting pale.

Logan quickly shook his head, trying to shake away the feeling. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. You know, I'm really tired, I should go to bed."

Kendall narrowed his eyes at him briefly. "Ok, man. We have tour rehearsal at 9 tomorrow."

Logan nodded as he stood up. "Goodnight, Kendall."

Logan lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Everyone was asleep.

_Everyone's asleep... Oh, crap, the crazy thoughts are back._

He sat up and looked over at Kendall. He was definitely out cold.

He tiptoed out the room, and peeked inside Carlos and James' room, then Jen and Katie's. Everyone was definitely asleep.

_I wonder if they'll hear me._

He snuck back into his room and crawled beside his bed. He felt inside the bed frame and found what he was looking for.

_Ah, my blade._

He peeled back the tape and pulled off his tiny razer.

He kept it in his hand and snuck to the bathroom, making sure every door was closed.

_Kendall doesn't have to know. I'll do it on my leg._

He shut the bathroom door. He looked in the mirror. It was replaced when they were at rehearsal and it pained him to be able to see hisself again.

Pale, with dark bags under his bloodshot eyes. His hair a mess from tossing and turning for the past 3 hours.

_Not to mention I'm a fucking fat bastard,_ he thought. _No wonder no one likes me._

He glanced at the toilet, the blade, his reflection. _Should I?_

He pulled down his basketball shorts and placed the razor on his thigh.

_No one'll see there, right? It's perfect._

He barely hesitated to dig the blade into his skin. He hissed in pain as he slid the blade across his thigh.

_I feel better already! ...Fuck, this hurts._

Before the blood could drip down his leg, he wet a tissue and caught it, almost screaming as it stung the cut.  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...," he whispered.

A few minutes later when the bleeding had mostly stopped, he pulled up his shorts and walked over to the toilet.

He opened the lid, and dropped to his knees. Once his finger was about to enter his mouth, there was a knock at the door.

"Who's in there? Hurry up, I gotta pee," Carlos said from outside the door.

Logan's eyes widened. _Fuck! How'm I gonna walk by him like this?_

He silently stood up, flushed the toilet (just to be safe) and picked up his blade.

Once he opened the door he ran out, bumping into Carlos and the wall a few times.

He didn't even notice his razer fall out of his hand.

"James, you're up!" Carlos said. "Look what I found yesterday. Logan dropped it."

His eyes widened. "A razor? What... why-"

"It had blood on it, and there were tissues covered in blood in the bathroom," Carlos explained. "What do you think he was doing?"

James sighed. "He was cutting hisself!"

"What? W-Why would he do that?" Carlos shrieked.

"Because he- Oh, forget it," he said angrily. "We gotta tell Mama Knight."

"Why? I don't care about him!" Carlos said.

"Carlos, can you _grow up _for five minutes? Logan could die and you'd still be a stubborn little asshole!" James yelled.

Carlos froze as he yelled at him. "O-ok...," he mumbled. "I'm sorry, man."

James ran a hand through his hair. "It's fine, man. I just don't want him to hate me anymore. I mean, the tour starts in a few weeks."

"I guess you're right, man," he replied. "Go tell her."

James nodded, and started walking towards the door. He stopped when he heard Logan's voice.

"I don't know how much more I can take of this," he said, his voice raspy and trembling.

"It's ok, Logan," came Kendall's reassuring voice. "This doesn't just go away in 3 days. We're gonna take you to therapy, and you're gonna feel better in a little while."

"I-I just want it to stop...," he whimpered, his voice breaking.

"I know, buddy, I know," Kendall said quietly.

James pulled away from the door.

"C-Carlos, we need to help him," he said quietly.

"Why, what ha-"

Suddenly there was a loud splattering sound, a thump and a scream.

_Ow, fuck, my head hurts!  
Wait a sec, why can't I move?  
Why won't my eyes open?  
_

Logan struggled to open his eyes which felt glued shut.

"Mom, he's waking up!" Kendall called out.

"Shh, you'll scare him!" Jennifer hissed.

_Did I pass out again? Crap!_

"K-Kendall? What hap..." He tried to lean up on his hand but found it coated in chunks and blood. _Ewww! Ew, ew, ew! _"What the- Did I..."

"You projectile vomited all over the place and passed out in it, man," Kendall said, handing him a napkin. He helped him wipe his hand and led him out of the mess. "Why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling ok?"

He rubbed his eyes. "I don't remember throwing up... Is this _blood?_" Kendall nodded, shrugging. "Kendall, I'm scared..."

"It'll be fine, buddy, we just need to get you cleaned up so you can eat and take your medicine," he said, helping him up. "We're taking you to a therapist today. We'll be with you the whole time," he added, noticing his alarmed expression. "We just want you to feel better, Loges."

Tears burned in his puffy eyes. "Well... What if I never do?"

"You _will,_" Kendall promised, hugging him. "I promise."

Carlos and James struggled to find a way to make up with Logan. Just apologising would never do it.

"Maybe we can stay real close to him, so the next time he passes out, we'll catch'em," James suggested. "And then he'll wanna be friends again!"

"Idunno man, I'm still pretty mad at him...," Carlos said.

"Carlos, don't even try that now. This is _serious!_" James snapped. Carlos winced. "If you're gonna keep up with that, maybe I should just go back to being friends with _Logan _and _Kendall,_ because they need me!"

"James, I'm sorry, man, can we just-"

"No! I can't keep on with... _this!_" he said, waving his arms around. "The band is gonna be torn apart! I... I have to go apologise to Logan before the whole tour is cancelled and he gets worse!"

"I'll go with you," Carlos said, standing up.

"No, Carlos, _I _don't want to have anything to do with you right now!" He walked out angrily to catch Mama Knight before she drove to the therapist's office.

When he reached the lobby, he was out of breath but kept running.

"Mama Knight!" he yelled as she turned the car on. He waved his arms as he kept running and calling out to her. "Ma...Ma Knight!"

He reached the car, panting. "James, what are you doing?" she shrieked.

"I need to... make... right... Logan...," he panted before falling over.

"James!" Kendall yelped. He jumped out of the car and ran to his side. "Aw, what an idiot. He didn't even bring his inhaler..."

"_James _has an _inhaler?_" Katie said, raising her eyebrows.

"Don't tell him I told you!" he said, pointing at her. "Crud, help me get him in the car, baby sis."

"Gross, he's all sweaty!" she argued.

"So will _you _be when you wash and wax my car," Jennifer threatened. "Go!"

She mumbled something under her breath, and stepped out of the car.

Logan watched from inside as they helped James up.

_So here's James, trying to make things right. That's sweet._

They half-dragged him back inside to get his inhaler.

_Where the hell is Carlos?_

A few minutes passed and they returned to the car with James, who was continuously combing his hair with his lucky comb.

He tucked it into his pocket and climbed into the car next to Logan. He took a deep breath, and looked up at him.

"Logan, I'm sorry," he started. "I'm sorry for taking Carlos' side, I'm sorry for making it _worse _instead of trying to _fix _it. I just want everything to go back to normal. We swore we'd be best friends forever when we were back in Minnesota. I _never _go back on a promise."

Logan felt himself smile slightly. _He really does care, huh..._

"I'm gonna help you get through this, Logan," he said, looking him in the eye. "I promise." He leaned in and hugged him tightly. Both their eyes were filling with tears at this point. (Not that they'd admit to it.)

Jennifer, Katie and Kendall got back in the car. "Ok, put your seatbelts on," Jennifer said, as she clicked hers.

Logan let the tears spill on the drive to the therapist. He and James clung to each other tightly while they let out their muffled sobs.

"I'm sorry, Logan," James sobbed, his voice muffled by Logan's sweater. "_I'm so sorry..._"

**I'm proud to say this is my longest chapter so far. The next chapters will be about the same length, which I hope makes up for the huge gaps between updates.**

**My twitter is brii_henderswag if you want to follow me, and I hope you're enjoying the story.**


	4. Alone

**Alone**

"Mr. Mitchell?"

He glanced up as his name was called.

"Dr. Lloyd is ready to see you," the secretary said. "I'll take you to his office."

When Jennifer urged him to go, she added, "You all can go with him, so he'll be more comfortable."

"Thank you." They all walked with Logan to the office. "Dr. Lloyd, Mr. Mitchell is here."

He looked up from his desk. "Oh, hello, Logan. Come in, sit down."

Logan hesitantly walked in and sat in the bean bag chair in front of the desk, while the others stood around the desk.

"Well, my name is Elliot Lloyd," he started. "You've got nothing to be afraid of, and nothing to hold back. I won't judge you for anything you say, Logan, and I'm here to _help _you."

He turned to Jennifer. "See, I've been helping children and teens with depression for 14 years. I understand how to help them overcome their problems. Within a month of therapy with me, I can guarantee excellent results and phenomenal improvement in attitude."

"Will we need to leave him alone with you for the sessions?" Kendall asked, raising his eyebrow.

"For most of them, yes," he replied. "I might want all of you in here for some, but I can assure you he'll be comfortable with me alone for the most part."

An hour later, the session ended and they bid their farewells.

While Logan was nodding goodbye, he saw a flash of... _something _on Dr. Lloyd's face. He wasn't sure what exactly it was, but just decided to ignore it.

The next day, Logan had a one-on-one therapy session with Elliot.

"Ok, Logan, take a seat wherever you'd like," Elliot said, gestering to the few seats he had set up around the room.

Logan settled for the egg-chair he had near the desk. _This shouldn't be so hard. Wow, this chair is freaking comfy. I need one of these._

"Ok, Logan, let's start from the beginning," Elliot said, leaning back in his chair. "Tell me a little about your friends."

_How the hell is this going to help me?_ "Well... My best friends are James, Kendall, and... C-Carlos... Kendall's a really cool, down-to-earth guy. He's probably the most sane guy in our band. James is... well, all about himself. Except now. He's actually showing some signs of _caring _for something that's not his own hair. And C-Carlos... He's..."

His heart sped up. His face went pale. _Oh, shoot..._

"Logan? Logan, are you alright?"

His breathing sped up and he found his self trembling uncontrollably.

"Logan, please calm down," Elliot said, running to his side.

_Calm down... Calm down... _He finally managed to choke out, "I-I'm... I'm sorry, I just don't like talking about him... he's kind of the reason I..."

"I understand, Logan," Elliot said, patting his back. "Let's talk about something else."

After the session, Logan was driven home and slept for hours. He eventually woke up at around 3 am, feeling unusually angry.

_They're all knocked out... Maybe I could just do it one more time._

He slowly slid out of his bed, wincing at the pain in his neck and shoulders. _I must've slept weird._

He knelt down, feeling inside his bed frame for his razor. When he found it, he slowly pulled the tape off and snuck out the room.

He slowly opened the bathroom door and ran in, shutting and locking it. He ran his fingers over the blade, half smiling.

He tugged down his shorts, immediately spotting the last cut. _I think it's getting infected. Crap._

He slowly placed the blade against his sweaty skin, quickly cutting through it. He did a few longer, slower ones, hissing in pain but enjoying it nonetheless.

Finally finishing up, he glanced up into the mirror. What he saw horrified him.

It was a completely different person. Pale faced, sweaty, and eyes puffy, red, and filled with _hatred._ _Yeah. That's the word. But not for Carlos. Not for James._

He glanced down at his stinging, blood-coated cuts. _For myself._

He felt his stomach lurch and he ran to the toilet, somehow vomiting, regardless of the fact he hadn't eaten a full meal in days.

Eventually he stopped; he couldn't calculate how long he'd been spewing for, but it felt like it was for hours. He struggled to sit up, wiping his mouth with his hand. _God damn, I can never get a break. _

He scrunched up his nose as he smelled the foul stench of vomit on his breath. He stood up shakily, using the toilet seat to lift hisself up.

He hobbled over to the sink, jumping when he saw his reflection.

Some vomit still remained on his lips and chin, drying in a disgusting brown colour. His face was worse than it had ever been. His cheeks were beginning to look hollowed, his lips pale, eyes baggy. His hair was greasy and stuck to his forehead. He looked _disgusting._

_Not only that... I'm still a fat pig._

He glanced at the toilet again. _Is there even anything left inside me?_

He lifted up his shirt and inspected his "fat, disgusting" belly.

_Won't hurt to try._

He slowly stepped towards the toilet, bending down shakily. He gripped the sides, gagging as he saw what he'd already spewed into it. He slowly raised a finger to his mouth, poking the back of his throat.

His body immediately lurched forward and whatever was left in his stomache poured out, the sound of his retching ringing throughout the whole bathroom.

When he finally finished, he flushed the toilet and tried to stand up. After failing a few times, he pitifully crawled to the bathroom door, and struggled to use the knob to pull hisself up.

He rinsed his mouth and face with cold water, and glanced up at the wall clock.

_4:50... I've been in here for almost 2 hours?_

He slowly walked back to his room, trembling. He held back choked sobs and let tears flow freely down his face. He fell asleep once his head hit the pillow, not even noticing that Kendall was awake and heard everything.

**Terribly sorry for the late update. It takes a few days to write all my ideas down, but I'm going to try writing a little faster for any fans of my story. Thank you for your patience and please review with any comments or critisism.**


	5. Death

**Death**

Carlos woke up with tears staining his face and his head pounding. He sat up slowly, his head pounding. He glanced at his phone, and after realising it was 12pm, he hurried out of bed and to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Carlos," Jennifer said, smiling. "I made your favourite, pancakes and-"

"I'm not hungry," he said, forcing a half smile. "I, uh, actually just wanted some aspirin. My head hurts."

"Honey, you can't have aspirin on an empty stomach," Jennifer said, picking his plate up. "Just have some toast, ok?"

"Ok, mama K," he said, forcing another smile. He sat down on one of the stools next to Kendall.

"G-Good morning, Kendall," he mumbled, picking up a piece of toast.

Kendall stared at him for a second. "Good morning," he answered flatly.

Carlos bit his lip, staring at the table.

After forcing down a few pieces of toast, he got up to take a shower. When he walked into the bathroom, the strong smell of vomit hit him like a brick wall.

"Gross, did somebody get-" He stopped himself. His eyes widened as he stepped further into the bathroom. "Never mind," he called out to everyone, shutting the door. He slowly walked further in, before suddenly stopping.

On the floor was a small, dried drop of blood.

And next to it was a blade.

_Logan's _blade.

He bent down to pick it up, his hand shaking. "No way...," he mumbled.

His eyes burned with tears. He ran back out, and after noticing Kendall was gone, he ran into his room.

"Kendall," he said, running up to him. "Look, man, I know you hate me, but I think Logan's been cutting again."

"You're lying," Kendall whispered, eyes widening with disbelief.

He shook his head quickly. "No! Look! And th-there was blood on the floor, and I think he's sick because it smelled really bad in there, and-"

"Carlos, calm down!" Kendall snapped. He glanced over at Logan to make sure he was still asleep, and lowered his voice. "You're sure it was like that when you went in there?"

"_Yes! _Dude, I'm-"

"_Shhh! _I already know," Kendall said quietly. "I... heard him throwing up, and crying... Last night. You just helped me confirm it."

Carlos trembled, tears filling his eyes. "K-Kendall... I don't want Logie to be sick anymore... I w-want things to go back to normal..."

Kendall sighed, walking up to Carlos. "They will. Everything will be ok, Los. As long as we all work together to help Logan."

Carlos let the tears flow, wrapping his arms around Kendall.

"I-I just want Logie to be h-happy again...," he sobbed.

Logan's eyes fluttered open slowly. The taste of vomit still lingered in his mouth, but he was too exhausted to acknowledge it. Instead he paid attention to the voices coming from behind him.

"Carlos, calm down!" _What's Carlos doing in here? _His voice lowered, and he continued. "You're sure it was like that when you went in there?"

_What was in where?_

_Are they even talking about me?_

"I... heard him throwing up, and crying..."

_They __**are **__talking about me! And they know! But how did Carlos..._

_THE BLADE! I left my blade in the bathroom, how careless! How could that happen...?_

Logan stopped his mental argument for a moment when he heard Carlos sobbing.

"I-I just want Logie to be h-happy again..."

Logan took a shaky breath, squeezing his blanket tighter in his hand.

_He does care..._

Logan climbed into the car next to Kendall. It was already 2pm; time for his appointment with Dr. Lloyd.

"Alright, Logan, this time you're gonna have to be on your own," Jennifer said as they drove to the office. "It's just forty-five minutes; you can handle that, right?"

"Sure, but will you guys stay in the waiting room and wait for me?" he answered in a small voice. It almost broke Jennifer's heart to hear him sound so scared.

"I can't, I have to go to Rocque Records to tell Gustavo what's going on," she said. "But Kendall and Katie can, right?"

"Sure," they both replied.

"Anything for you, man," Kendall said, wrapping his arm around his shoulder.

When they got to the office, Dr. Lloyd called Logan in once they got there.

Their session was mostly just Logan telling him what had happened since the last session, excluding the odd voice in his head. _This is my little secret. What he doesn't know can't hurt him... right?_

After that session, Logan grew extremely comfortable with Dr. Lloyd. He slept soundly and took his medicine every night and day (respectively.) Two weeks passed after his last time cutting. He still purged but didn't dare tell anyone and kept it hidden.

One day Logan went into the office feeling energised and happy. He sat in the beanbag chair and greeted Dr. Lloyd.

"Good morning, Logan," Dr. Lloyd said, grinning. "You look happy today. Are you taking your medicine?"

Logan nodded. "Every day."

"And how've you been sleeping? Any nightmares?"

Logan pouted for a second, thinking. "One or two nightmares, but nothing really serious."

"Great," he said, smiling.

"Hey, Doctor, could you close the curtains? The sun is in my eyes," Logan said, laughing nervously.

"Sure, Logan," he said, standing up. As he reached to close the curtain, the glass of the window suddenly shattered.

"What the-"

He fell to the floor, blood seeping through his shirt.

"_Dr. Lloyd!_" Logan screamed. Glancing out the window, he noticed cop cars and a huge commotion.

_Was he shot?_

" !" Logan said, shaking. "Help! S-somebody! Dr. Lloyd, please don't die, I need you! Dr..."

He slowly started to sob, his hands tightly squeezing Elliot's shoulders.

Kendall, Katie, and the secretary ran in, hurriedly looking around for Logan.

"Logan, what-"

"He's dead!" Logan sobbed. "He's dead, and it's all my fault..."

"Oh, my god," the secretary said, covering her mouth.

"C-Call 911," Kendall said, panicking.

Logan started coughing and wheezing.

"K-Kendall, I c-can't...," he wheezed. "B...breathe..."

"_Crap!_ Katie, call mom. Do you have your inhaler?" Kendall asked, panic building in his chest.

Logan shook his head quickly, his face turning red.

_Maybe this is how I'll die._

_It's about damn time._

He could only remember Kendall carrying him outside before everything went black.

Carlos scratched his arm deeply with his nails while he waited.

Blood slowly seeped out of the scratches, but he kept going.

He jumped as he heard the house phone start ringing.

He continued torturing himself before he noticed the phone stopped ringing.

_Wonder if Mama Knight left..._

He walked out to the living room to check. James was probably at the pool, and Jennifer was nowhere in sight.

He picked up the phone to see who'd called.

_Katie? Wonder what she needed._

He called her back, and quickly pulled the phone away from his ear as Katie yelled into hers.

"_Mom?_" she shrieked frantically.

"No, she's not here, what happened?" Carlos said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"W-We need to take Logan to the hospital, he had an asthma attack, _just go get my mom!_" she yelled.

He hung up the phone, throwing it onto the couch.

_Nows my chance..._

He ran into Logan's room, searching for his inhaler. Once he found it he took the keys to the car the boys shared and ran outside.

He drove at 60mph to the office, hitting the breaks once he got in front.

"_Carlos?" _Kendall yelled.

"Get in," he yelled back.

Kendall sighed and ran as fast as he could to the car while carrying Logan, Katie running ahead to get the door.

Once they shut the door, Carlos handed Kendall Logan's inhaler and started driving again.

"Carlos, what are _you _doing here?" Kendall asked, hurriedly trying to help Logan breathe.

"Katie called telling me to get Mama Knight, but I knew that wouldn't be fast enough, so... I came to help," Carlos said, looking left and right at a stop sign.

"I thought you 'didn't care about Logan,'" Kendall said angrily.

Carlos sighed, not bothering replying. _He'll understand soon enough._

"I thought you two worked everything out earlier," James said, sticking another pretzel in his mouth.

Kendall sighed into the phone. "Well, I mean, he was crying, that doesn't suddenly make us _friends _again."

"But he really does care about Logan," he pointed out, chewing his pretzels. "Wasn't that what the whole argument was about anyway?"

Kendall sighed again, louder. "Whatever, James, this doesn't involve y—"

"It does _so _involve me, Kendall!" Kendall winced as he raised his voice. "I'm as much as part of this band as everyone else and _I'm tired!_"

"Now you're just quoting Dreamgirls!"

"_That's not the point! _Point is—" He reached for another pretzel, pouting when he found the bag empty. "Crap, I'm out of pretzels. Anyway, point is, we're _brothers, _and we're supposed to care for each other... And we're wrong to turn against Carlos like this."

"After he treated Logan that way? I think he deserved what he got," Kendall replied easily, leaning back in the hospital chair.

"I dunno, man, maybe it's just Logan being in the hospital making be emotional." A cabinet slamming was heard. "Or the fact that we're _out of pretzels!_" He sighed angrily. "But I really think we should go easier on Carlos. I've heard him crying at night. He wakes up thinking I didn't hear him but I do hear him and... It really hurts to hear him crying like that every night... If that makes any sense."

Kendall bit his lip, lowering his head. He spoke softly, "That totally makes sense."

He glanced up when Carlos ran in, after parking the car. "Hey, uh, any news on Logan?"

"Hold on, James," he said into the phone. He looked up. "No, nothing yet."

Carlos bit his lip, sitting a few seats away from Kendall and Katie, who was playing her DS and listening to her iPod.

"Well, I gotta go, dude." James' voice made him jump. _Forgot I was even on the phone..._" I need more pretzels. Text me if anything happens, kay? Tell Logan I said get well soon and other generic sick people stuff."

Kendall chuckled. "Ok, man, talk to ya later." He hung up, tucking his phone back in his pocket.

They all sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sound being Katie slamming the buttons on her DS.

The doctor walked out to the waiting room, pushing Logan in a wheelchair. Logan normally would have protested this, but was way too exhausted.

"Logan is breathing fine now," the doctor said. "Just make sure he takes it easy and has his inhaler on him at all times. If this happens again, take him back here ASAP. It could be more than just an asthma attack."

Kendall's eyes widened slightly.

"Ok, doc. Thank you." Carlos stood up, politely shaking his hand. "Should we take him outside in this?"

"Yes, I'll get a nurse to help you," he said, turning to find one.

"No need, we'll be fine. Come on." He took the handles and wheeled Logan out into the parking lot, Kendall and Katie following him.

A few minutes into their car ride, Kendall heard a sniffle. He glanced over at Logan, and realised his face was stained with tears.

"Logan, what—"

"H-He's d-d-dead…," he whimpered, biting his lip. "He's dead and it-it's all my f-f-fault…"

"Logan, it is _not _your fault!" Kendall said, gasping. "Don't think like that."

"But it is!" he shrieked. "I-I… he wouldn't have gotten up if it weren't f-for me… If I'd just ignored the… sun, in my eyes, I wouldn't… He wouldn't have been in front of th-the window…"

"Logan, that doesn't make it your fault!" Kendall said, appalled at the fact that he would really think _he _caused someone's death.

"_Yes it does!_ A-and b-b-based on my calculations, s-since the bullet hit his ch-chest at approximately a f-forty-five degree angle… I-if he hadn't gotten up… _I would have been shot. _I _should _have been shot!" He broke into a fit of sobs, his hands over his eyes.

Kendall and Carlos were both utterly disturbed and nauseated at the fact that he would think like that.

"Y-you need to sleep, to clear your head," Kendall said, trembling. "D-don't think like that, Logan…"

As they parked in the Palm Woods parking lot, Carlos started sobbing.

"It-it's all my fault," Logan sobbed.

"L-Logie, stop," Carlos wailed. "P-please! I c-can't listen to you… blaming this on _yourself!"_

Logan couldn't even speak clearly, instead just sobbing loudly, Kendall squeezing him protectively.

"We all need to go inside and rest," Kendall said.

When they got upstairs, Joanna immediately ran up to Logan, squeezing him tightly.

"My Logie-bear…," she sobbed. She looked up, noticing Carlos. "_You!_ You stay _away_ from my baby! Th-this is _your fault!_ Y-you hurt m-my only child!"

"Mrs. Mitchell, you need to—"

She cut Kendall off, pointing a finger in his face. "_You _stay out of this! You—"

"Don't yell at my son!" Jennifer yelled, standing up from the couch.

Joanna opened her mouth to yell back, but shut it quickly, tears filling her eyes. She suddenly started to sob. "Jennifer… I'm s-s-so sorry… I just… My o-o-only child is… depressed… And the only person w-who was able to h-h-help him is…"

Jennifer wrapped her arms around her softly as she sobbed. The boys walked to their rooms, Kendall inviting Carlos into his and Logan's shared room.

James suddenly walked into the apartment, clutching 2 bags full of pretzels.

"_So what, I'm still a rock star, I g—" _He stopped when he saw the two women sobbing in each other's arms. "…Bad timing, huh?"

Meanwhile, Carlos was trembling and muttering a thousand apologies.

"I-I know I messed up really bad, and I d-d-don't expect you to forgive me, but… Damn it, I miss being best friends, I miss being close, I…I miss being _brothers."_

Logan bit his lip, already lying in his bed.

"I mean, I know I was a total jackass to all of you… And I don't know why, honestly," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "It's just… I-I've always sort of… Looked up to you, Logan. I mean, you're _way_ smarter than me, you've had more girls like you than I have, and people like _you_ more than they like _me. _It just kind of upset me, that you and I weren't… compatible." _Finally got that word right!_ "I always thought, in the back of my mind, that you were better than me. Since we were kids. Hell, we still are kids now, aren't we?"

Kendall snorted. "Kids who've been through a whole lot of _shit."_

Carlos sighed. "Look guys… I don't need you to forgive me, if you don't I totally understand, but… I just want you all to be happy again…," he whispered, his voice breaking.

Kendall stared at Carlos for awhile, before hugging him tightly.

"If you have the balls to admit all that and apologise to his face, I'll be damned if I didn't forgive you," he whispered, squeezing him.

"I forgive you too, Carlos," Logan whispered, his voice small and child-like. "But can you please remove your butt from my patella? I'm in a lot of pain here."

"Oop!" He stood up quickly. "Uh, s-sorry." He patted his knee. "Wait, this is your patella, right? I wasn't sitting on your nads, was I?"

Logan chuckled. "Good to have you back, Los…"

Dr. Lloyd's funeral was everything a funeral should be expected to be; depressing, sad, unhappy, gloomy—need I use any more similes?

The service was a bit painful for Logan to bear, but hell if he'd miss the funeral of the man who saved his life, _twice._ (Technically.)

After the service, Logan went home and tried to clear his head. When he found nothing could distract him from the pain, he settled for crying himself to sleep.

"Carlos, James," Kendall said, both boys coming out of their room. "I wanted to talk to you guys."

"Sure, what's up, man?" James said, sitting on the couch. Carlos followed suit, sitting a few feet away from James.

"I just want to make it clear that this whole argument between us was the stupidest thing we've ever done," Kendall started. "And we've done a _lot _of stupid crap."

"I hear that," James mumbled through a mouthful of pretzels.

"Anyway, I just wanted to apologise to both of you guys for… everything. I mean, if I wasn't such an asshole, we wouldn't have even stopped being friends, and Logan probably wouldn't be so depressed," he said quietly.

"Kendall, don't blame yourself," Carlos said. "This all started because of me…"

"It's no one's fault," James said. "Everything happens for a reason, right?"

Kendall sighed. "Fact is, I'm really sorry for all the damage this has caused. I mean, even _I _cried for the first time in _years…_ I can only imagine how badly this affected you guys."

Carlos bit his lip. "Uh… Kendall. I don't wanna keep any secrets anymore, so…" He pulled up his sleeve, revealing 3 cuts along his wrist.

Kendall's eyes widened. "C-Carlos…"

Carlos' eyes burned with tears. "I-I didn't want to, b-but… I-it made me feel b-b-better…"

Kendall bit his lip, tears forming in his own eyes. "P-Please, promise me you won't do it again…"

"Kendall, I—"

"_Promise me,_" he said lowly. "Please, don't do it again, Carlos."

Carlos let out a shaky breath. "I promise I won't do it again. I already got rid of the blade I used. I-I'm so sorry, Kendall…"

Kendall wrapped his arms around him softly. "Don't be."

A week passed after the death of Elliot Lloyd. Logan was still far from over it, but he needed a new therapist. They found one that seemed suitable for the boy and scheduled an appointment for the next day.

"Logan, I know you're gonna miss Dr. Lloyd, but your new therapist will be just as good," Jennifer reassured him as they pulled up in front of the office. She turned around to see him barely awake and leaning on Kendall's arm.

"Let's get the room number and try to find a wheelchair or something," Jennifer suggested. "Unless you can carry him in?"

Kendall nodded. "You guys go ahead, I'll take him inside."

He took off their seatbelts, but soon felt the car moving. Backwards.

"Oh my god… Damn it, mom! You're supposed to put the—_Shit!_" He quickly leaned forward and reached for the steering wheel, but found his foot caught in a seatbelt and turned the wheel to the left quickly.

"Fuck fuck fuck!" he muttered angrily.

"K-Kendall, what's—"

"_Logan!_" he screamed. He immediately jumped back to the back seat, and before they could react, the sound of glass shattering and metal crashing was heard.

"Yes, Hortense Mitch…" Jennifer's head shot up, her eyes widening. "D-did you hear that, Katie?"

"Sounded like a car crashing…," Carlos said.

Jennifer paled. "E-excuse me." She bolted outside, searching around frantically for her car. She let out a loud shriek when she saw the car absolutely totaled, a large van crashed into it.

"_Kendall!_" she shrieked. "Oh my god, Logan!" She ran up to the car, police and the FDLA already arriving on the scene.

"Ma'am, I'm gonna need to ask you to step back," an officer said.

"M-my baby is in that car!" she shrieked.

"We're working on getting him out, ma'am," he responded calmly. "Look." He pointed to the car. "Was he in the middle, back, or front seat?"

"M-middle…"

"Then the worst that coulda' happened was maybe a few scratches or a bump on the head," he said. "Please relax."

She took a few breaths, pacing in circles.

When they finally got the car door off and were able to see the boys, she looked over.

And she fainted.


End file.
